Begitu sempitnya waktu, Begitu besarnya cinta..

Begitu sempitnya waktu, Begitu besarnya cinta..

jangan sebut aku lelaki...

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[	backtrack	/	dig my past	]

(no subject)	[May. 3rd, 2011\|06:50 am]
aglimpseofthepast yesterday, i had a totally unexpected moment of seeing my past. it was, well, real this time around and that brief moment felt like the whole 3 years fly past my eyes..u gave a wide smile and a wave while i could only garner a faint smile..wished it could have lasted longer. take care.
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(no subject)	[Mar. 6th, 2011\|11:18 pm]
thisisit so yea..the meeting with you didnt go down all too well..yes at least i did manage to say things i wanted to say and i am proud of myself in confronting you with this problem. i just hope that you'd understand that it ain't and won't be easy for me to see us as friends after what we've been though. i still can't forgive myself for letting another chance slip by right in front of my eyes. but i guess now it's all useless talk..ive granted your wish for letting you move on..though i hope some day we may still have a chance at it..a chance that we both dreamed of before you decided not to wait for me.. take care..
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(no subject)

[Mar. 1st, 2011|12:08 am]

[

Moode

depressed

]

icantstandanymore

i will never forget february 2011. this is the month i that i dealt with two blows..at the start and at the end. like my previous post, i finally found closure on one..and i was just about to start a new chapter..trying to find my feet finally with SK..who waited for me for quite a while..im tired of rewriting the whole story so let's just put that everything went sour from a "misunderstanding" and everything just snowballed from there. she's moved on that fast and im left with nothing again..

there wasnt much of a warning..i was trying to take things a lil slow from my broken wound of the previous chapter. and now i guessed ive closed another chapter within less than a month. im sorry if i seem like an ass to you trying to "jeopardising" our friendship but i guess after all that we've said to each other, its better that we take our separate ways.

i have never been distraught since my last proper relationship a few years back. i thought i had it but now ur gone, far and way too soon, too fast. i dont know if i should wish u the best of luck cause im not in the right mind to do so and probably never. we just have different minds but i just dun understand how do you manage to move on so fast? it really seems uve had ur sights on someone way before you gave me the bombshell.

i guess that's it. this will take quite awhile to heal..theres just too many things that will hinder: movies, changi, driving past your house, ehub, the white cat at your void deck that i'll truly miss. i guess we had it, but i lost it. my ship has sailed.

i guess thats all. good night. and something you will never get to hear from me.. Aishiteru..

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(no subject)

[Feb. 7th, 2011|10:44 pm]

[

Moode

gloomy

]

todayifoundaclosure

i should have known this a month ago but i guess it's still alright.

today, 7th feb 2011, i have finally found closure, almost sure, to one of my longest running saga..to you both, i thank you for being the most significant part of my life thus far..countless tears and aches i have born for you both. the former, a journey i will never forget til my last breath, the latter, a wait of uncertainty and mixed signals which once i thought we had a chance but i guess now it wasn't meant to be..

to the former,

i was rather surprised at your sudden facebook message..words can't describe how bittersweet i felt reading it. what took you so long to give me a reason as to why we can't even be friends anymore? i'm sorry too for all the pain i've put you through and it's been 2 years plus since you're with someone new..the last time i saw you was on my hospital bed, carassing your hair, and you left. that was the last i've seen of you..i just want to say thank you..i could never thank you enough for being part of my life for 3 years plus..all the happiness we shared and lessons learnt from each other will now be nothing but just memories..pleasant memories..

to the latter,

you were a journey that spanned all the way back in 1999. i liked you from the start. we had sth back in 2003 when something happened and i broke your trust..things never seemed to be the same again..i admit it was my mistake and tried to make amends when we had the chance again in 2006 but since then, you kept giving me mixed signals and led me on..i wished i'd had known earlier..i liked it when you were overseas because we chatted much better but distance grew everytime you came back home..i really wished things could have worked out between us but i guess you already have your heart set on another guy..liking/loving you for 12 years was no joke and i guess now that i've found the answer, it's time i pack up and continue down the long winding road..i guess i will get things straight in a letter to you before you leave for you convocation..i'd like this chapter to end before you graduate in your emerald robes and start a new chapter in life..

to both of you..i wish you all the best for you future and despite what has happened between us, i will still care and you will always have a special place in my heart.

thank you.

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(no subject)	[Apr. 26th, 2010\|10:39 pm]
campione so the date was 24th april 2010. where were you? well, i was at coffee bean airport with a spoilt power socket which i busted the night before watching my beloved magpies lift the championship trophy. let the picture do the talking :) NEWCASTLE UNITED CHAMPIONSHIP CHAMPIONS 2009-2010 time to whip the asses of black cats, fools and devils..
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(no subject)

[Apr. 22nd, 2010|01:56 am]

gaveitallaway

I will learn to live before I die
Will learn to love and learn to try
Not to give it all away
She may be the one that’s meant for me
Or for the man that I used to be
Til’ I gave it all away

Why I lay my heart down on the floor?
I showed you love, you wanted more
But I gave it all away

You taught me to see the better truth
About yourself but about me too
I was stupid over you
What could I do?

Why I lay my heart down on the floor?
I showed you love, you wanted more
But I gave it all away

Some people wait a lifetime for a chance like this
I’ve waited enough
Baby, no, I won’t let you go
I’m sick of tears and bitter fear

Why I lay my heart down on the floor?
I showed you love, you wanted more
But I gave it all away

There’s nothing left to take

I gave it all away...

------------------------------------------------------------------

the past few days have been nothing short but great. overnighting at the airport with lee has been productive..well not too bad.

yet recent happenings have made me all the more wary. i will not hide the fact im quite surprised at how things have been turning out, just that it has left me more puzzled than before. im not trying to think too much, read too much into things. im trying to enjoy while it last. for if it's not meant to be at the end of it, i'll be thankful to the Almighty for giving me this opportunity to experience just something small but means a lot to me.

as of now, im just praying that things will be better than before, and that the past be the past. i pray that from my previous entry, i will be able to write a new chapter in life, albeit not knowing how long it will last but even if it means a page, it would have been the best of all other chapters in my life. God, give me strength to face this phase/situation that im in and your blessings for if it's real, i promise not to give it all away...

it's just not appropriate for me to say anything now and i dont wish for it to be third time unlucky, so i'll save it til i feel it's the right time. til then, take care and get well soon..

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"ps: that's exactly why we get along :)"	[Apr. 14th, 2010\|02:26 am]
ipraythistime it was an unexpected way to say goodnight. but i'm still keeping my guards up. i pray this time something might just turn out right. third time lucky? i'm not sure but i'll pray harder this time.. don't let love come just to pass us by..
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(no subject)	[Jan. 31st, 2010\|03:11 pm]
theonlyway even if it means in a group, i'd still take that half chance to see you..
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One Last Cry	[Jan. 26th, 2010\|12:59 am]
onelastcry i guess there's no prize for guessing this story. so here goes... My shattered dreams and broken heart Are mending on the shelf I saw you holding hands Standing close to someone else Now I sit all alone Wishing all my feelings was gone I gave my best to you Nothing for me to do But have one last cry One last cry Before I leave it all behind I gotta put you out of my mind this time Stop living a lie I guess I'm down to my last cry Cry..... I was here You were there Guess we never could agree While the sun shines on you I need some love to rain on me Still I sit all alone Wishing all my feelings was gone Gotta get over you Nothing for me to do But have one last cry One last cry Before I leave it all behind I gotta put you out of my mind For the very last time Stop living a lie I know I gotta be strong Cause round me life goes on and on And on .... And on .... One last cry Before I leave it all behind I gotta put you out of my mind For the very last time Been living a lie I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down... I guess I'm down... To my last cry... i wish you the best, wonderwall..
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(no subject)	[Nov. 12th, 2009\|02:52 am]
ofdaysandwishes You touched my life With your softness in the night My wish was your command Until you ran out of love I tell myself I’m free Got the chance of livin’ just for me No need to hurry home Now that you’re gone Knife Cuts like a knife How will I ever heal I’m so deeply wounded Knife Cuts like a knife You cut away the heart of my life When I pretend Wear a smile to fool my dearest friends I wonder if they know It’s just a show I’m on a stage Day and night I go through my charades But how can I disguise What’s in my eyes I’ve tried and tried Blocking out the pain I feel inside The pain of wanting you Wanting you
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